Incompatible Dreams
by Luigiflipping
Summary: Tadano and Retsuko share a vulnerable conversation after Retsuko's karaoke breakup. Tadano realizes that though Retsuko is what he wants, he is not what she needs. Based on the headcanon that Tadano is asexual and aromantic, though doesn't know.


Red walls and soundproof doors, a sanctuary sealed off from the world. Though they had often been alone together, Tadano had never before felt like he and Retsuko were the only two people in the word, like they were in that moment. There was no sound in the room as Retsuko sat across from him, a low table between the two plush couches. In the forming aftermath of Retsuko's karaoke choice, a tv screen to his left flashed with words of an awaited selection. The corresponding touchscreen sat on the table, forgotten.

Retsuko held her karaoke mic in both hands, having just told Tadano how the two of them wouldn't be together anymore, as his goals and her dreams were too dissimilar. Whether or not she was looking at him, Tadano didn't know. His own eyes were fixed on his upturned palms and interlaced fingers. She meant it to be goodbye. He wasn't content to let it happen, even if she was sure of herself. Perhaps it was stubbornness, or just a desperate avoidance of pain.

"Retsuko… Thank you for being honest with me." Tadano closed his eyes. "You sound like your mind is made up. But I…" He paused, and sighed. "I feel like I owe you some honesty in return."

"I- is that so…?"

Tadano leaned back on the couch and stared up at a corner of the room. "You see…" He couldn't stop himself from sighing again. "I never thought I would be explaining this to someone… Guess it goes to show how much I want this to work out…" Though he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to glance at Retsuko as he explained, "It's not that I hate kids. Or marriage, as a concept. I mean, I can see why society considers them so important, since one is necessary for life to survive, and the other is made to be a prerequisite. But they aren't a part of my dreams or aspirations. I never understood why so many people want them. I don't see how marriage is supposed to be something more than our relationship as it already is."

Tadano swallowed his courage in an attempt to quiet the deafening beat of his heart. He chanced a glance at Retsuko, whose reaction was unreadable. He knew it would be over if he didn't find a way to carry the conversation on. "Maybe, since it's something you're so passionate about… maybe you could… explain it to me…?"

The question hung in the air for what felt like an eternity.

Finally, Retsuko's expression softened. "I… well, I can't speak for everyone, but I can try…"

All of Tadano's worries went away, and his eternal half-smile was reinforced with a great affection. "I'm all ears, Retsy."

Retsuko was quiet for a moment, and her hands tightened around her microphone. When she spoke, it was slowly, clearly trying to find the right words. "Well… I suppose a part of it is… people don't want to live alone for their whole lives."

A response rose in Tadano's throat, but he bit back on it. "Go on."

"When you get married, a part of it is a promise. The promise never to leave the other person for the rest of your life together. No matter what, you always have someone to turn to, who knows you and cares about you." Retsuko seemed to realize something, looking up quickly and waving a hand saying, "N-not that I don't trust you and a normal promise! I do trust you, there's just, a lot more in marriage than any other promise."

With a slight tilt of his head, Tadano held her eyes. "Then how is it different?"

"Marriage is… It's also a contract, so you know that all the promises made won't be broken." She caught herself again. "It's- well, I guess if you have enough trust then that wouldn't matter, but… who's to say that trust will last forever? Or, if they get in a fight, they might leave if it was all based on a normal promise, but if they're married, there's more reason to stick around and work it out."

"Like we're doing now?"

Retsuko seemed a little distressed. "I… yes, I guess so…"

Tadano leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "It sounds like you're committed to the idea of it, even though you don't know what it means."

Retsuko hung her head. "I'm sorry, it's so hard to explain… it's just something you feel, you know…? How do you put a feeling like that into words? Everyone just… knows."

"Everyone but me, it seems…" Tadano muttered to himself.

"Sorry, What was that?"

"Ah, nothing."

The room was filled with silence once more, a silence that seemed to permeate and radiate from even the inanimate objects. Tadano began to retreat into his mind, lamenting the lack of understanding that had been the source of distance between himself and the world for what seemed like most of his life. He hadn't gotten very far when he realized Retsuko was fidgeting with the microphone still held in her hands. If he didn't continue the conversation, it would be the end.

Under that pressure, he made himself break the silence. "Can I share what marriage means to me?"

Retsuko nodded and quickly responded, "S-sure!"

"Well… I've actually thought about it quite a bit. There's nothing in a marriage that can't be had without one, besides kids, which I don't want anyway. Wedding ceremonies are expensive and outdated, and are just for show. Sure, there are tax reasons that might make marriage seem better, but money isn't a big deal to me, so why spend the time and effort on a big ceremony, when…" Tadano trailed off as he actually looked at Retsuko. She was smiling politely, but something in her eyes looked pained. "I'm sorry. I know it's important to you."

"No, it's fine," she said. "You're just saying what you think. It's clear that we don't agree on this, and it's something I won't compromise on. This is why we should go separate ways."

"Retsy, I really do want to be with you forever. I meant that."

"I know." There was something tired in her voice. Resigned. "So did I."

Tadano held out a hand to her, blue eyes begging as he said, "I can work on it, we can get rings and do everything a married couple does if that's what you want!"

Retsuko shook her head sadly. "No. Even if we did that, I want children, too. Children of my own. I don't even know if you like me in that way to begin with…"

"Retsy, of course I like you, I wouldn't want to be with you forever if I didn't like you."

She blushed a little and looked away. "That's not what I meant."

Tadano tilted his head, confused. "What other way is there?"

"Don't get me wrong, Tadano, you've been the perfect gentleman… but in all this time we've barely done much more than lean on each other. Since I started seeing us for what we really were, I started wondering how much you really liked me in the first place…"

With a nervous laugh, Tadano said, "Retsy, life isn't like it is in the books and shows or on the internet. They all over exaggerate those kinds of things for the sake of entertainment."

The statement filled the room and left it in silent suspense. Retsuko's eyes widened. "Do you really believe that…?" she asked.

Her reaction caught Tadano off guard. "Y-yeah… I've never had feelings about someone that made me want to do those kinds of things."

"That can't be right," Retsuko said. "Everyone feels it, you must not have met the right person…"

Tadano scooted a little closer on the couch. "Hold on, are you saying that people really do feel that way? They're not faking it?"

"O-of course they do! Why would it be everywhere if it weren't real, how do you not know?"

Tadano raised a hand to his forehead, his eyes searching the floor as if it had answers. "I… I always thought, it was fake... I've never felt that… but, everyone else has…?" The sense of isolation, of removal from society, came back for the first time in years. It was no wonder why childhood friends, upon growing up, began talking almost exclusively about women. Why his own annoyance with their one-track minds led to him being unwelcome among them.

"Tadano, are you okay?"

Her gentle voice coaxed him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said.

"I don't know what's going on, but I think it's another reason why my dreams have no place in your future," Retsuko told him patiently.

Tadano clasped his hands together. "Retsy, I…"

"Please, don't drag it out any longer."

A deep breath, and Tadano nodded. The room seemed darker than it was before, smaller. He stood up and slowly walked to the door. The hand that took the door handle felt weak, and trembled slightly. His permanent smile felt like it would slip off and never return. Tadano put it back on, and turned to look at Retsuko one last time.

"Hey…" he said softly. "Good luck with your dreams. I hope you find someone who can give you what you want."

Retsuko smiled kindly, though her eyes gave away her sadness. "Thank you. You too, good luck with your business."

Once the door had closed behind him, Tadano stopped. He had a lot to think about, and a lot of his life to rethink. The tightness in his chest wasn't helping, either. Retsuko had been everything he wanted, but he wasn't what she wanted. It was as simple as that. He felt tears threaten to breach the surface, but took a deep breath to hold on.

As he walked out into the night air, he glanced to his right at the hyena who had helped to secure his compliance, one of Retsuko's friends. They met eyes, and Tadano continued on to his self-driving limousine. Once safely behind the tinted windows, he quietly reminded himself that he had been telling her to do what she wanted, and that this was her choice. She was doing what made her happy. And at the end of the day, even if it meant teardrops fell on his knees, that was all that mattered.


End file.
